By Senam Anaglate
Author’s note: Here I use gist as a slang word for tea — in this context it’s a synonym for gossip.
I am sure you have heard about the trifling man. The one who cheats on his partner, breaks up his family, and gets a rather basic redemption arc. We rarely hear the story of the trifling woman, the one who does the same thing. She is usually relegated to the background as a homewrecker and a plot device for conflict, but what if we thought about her motivations and her character? What would we learn about her that we never knew? What is the gist on the trifling woman?
First, imagine you are a woman and your husband just died. You meet a man — young, conventionally attractive, and wealthy — but you do not fall in love just yet because you have miles-high walls barricading your heart. As time passes, you begin to open up, feel butterflies every time you are together, forget about your sadness when you are in his arms, and cracks start to form in those walls. Eventually, you get close enough that you travel with him to meet his family in the Caribbean and at the airport, your life is turned on its head. You lock eyes with a man with silver hair and a square jaw and get lost in a sea of gray. You feel those cracks begin to spread until the entire wall crumbles to dust as you walk towards him. Towards your date’s father. This was the story of Feyi and the turmoil that comes with having to choose between a father and his son in “You Make a Fool of Death with Your Beauty” by Akwaeke Emezi.
Next, let us talk about the iconic character Ifemelu from Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie’s New York Times bestseller “Americanah.” This novel follows her journey back to her childhood love. Only, when she returns to him, she finds that he is married with a wife and kids. Despite her efforts to resist the pull of a love that has stewed for decades, Ife is predictably overpowered by this immense force of nature and has to deal with the consequences of her actions. Here, we take the basic “man is a cheater” narrative and begin to explore it from the perspective of the woman who knowingly broke up a family. As readers, we watch her deal with the consequences of her actions, having to bear being slut-shamed with a smile on her face, playing mistress when she knows she deserves much more than that, and finally coming to terms with the fact that the love of her life will never leave his wife.
In each story, we see a woman experience emotions that only lead to others’ pain. In general, a woman’s perspective provides more depth and nuance to a story because society generally allows women to feel more. We see Feyi’s feelings in “You Make a Fool of Death with Your Beauty” grow for a man as she struggles to retain the connection she developed with his son. Not because she genuinely yearns for this connection, but because she feels guilty for experiencing emotions that are out of her control. Her tears, pain, and desire feel palpable to us as she struggles to choose between love and morals. Ife wrestles with a similar choice, however hers has a predetermined end that she knows. She makes her decision despite this end and must deal with the sense of impending doom that follows her every time she sees the love of her life.
As readers, we have heard the story of the trifling man and experienced his emotions enough times that we are almost desensitized to it. His actions are more than predictable, they are expected. The trifling woman, however, I sympathize with, women like Ife and Feyi. Their stories are unique, gut-wrenching, and somehow unpredictable as they go against everything a woman is supposed to be. They are selfish as opposed to being selfless, deceitful as opposed to being honest, and emotionally dumb as opposed to being emotionally intelligent. Essentially we tell the same story with the same ending, but the journey to the ending is much more exciting.
Initially, we asked what the gist is on the trifling woman and now we have our answer. She is strong, she is independent, and she is everything the patriarchy says a woman should not be. Her stories are riveting, drenched in nuanced emotions that differ from character to character and I hope that her stories continue to be told in the world of romance.
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