By Haley Williams
Sooo… the Penguins suck right now. Everything is bad, and I’m dying, crying, etc. They traded Jake Guentzel. The Jake Shake is no more. They’ve lost eight of their last 10 games.
Hey, at least Jarry and Nedeljkovic are doing alright! They’ve got .906 and .904 save percentages, respectively, and they’re sitting at 23rd and 27th in the league. Given that they have absolutely no support from the rest of their team, I’ll take it! Congrats to my pookies, keep slaying. Don’t let the rest of the team get you down.
The Jake Guentzel trade broke my heart. It genuinely ruins my mood every single time I remember that it happened. Strategically, I understand why they did it — he was the only one who we would get a good return on, who would also be willing to leave Pittsburgh (I wholeheartedly believe that both Crosby and Malkin will retire as Penguins). In return, we got Michael Bunting, Vasily Ponomarev, Ville Koivunen, Cruz Lucius, and conditional first- and fifth-round picks in the 2024 draft. “But Haley,” you must be saying. “That seems like such a good trade, we got so many guys!” I DON’T CARE. I was emotionally attached to Jake Guentzel, and he was one of the few people that I could rely on to produce points for us, and now he’s GONE. I’m malding. But hey, at least the team got younger.
I’ve essentially given up on this season. I think most of the players have as well. We’re currently sitting at seventh in the race for the wildcard slots with 16 games to go, and I genuinely do not have a single shred of hope. In fact, I’ve adopted a new strategy! I don’t watch or listen to any of the games, because they just stress me out and make me upset. Instead, I only get score updates through the app notifications on my phone. Additionally, I just expect to lose! That way, if the Penguins lose, I’m right, and if they win, I’m pleasantly surprised. Then, regardless of the Penguins’ status, I’M always winning.
I genuinely don’t know what to do anymore. At what point do I throw in the towel? Shall I finally just return to my Central Floridian roots and start cheering on the Lightning? I don’t want to do that, but I fear my hand is being forced! With all hope lost for this season, I’m forced to consider the fact that next season will likely be the last chance for the Penguins to see the playoffs while I’m living in the city of bridges. Every day I pray that it isn’t the case, that they’ll turn the season around and magically win-streak their way to the 2023-24 playoffs… and every day I am further disappointed.
I really hope those draft picks are worth it. Let’s go 2024-25 Pens!
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