By Eshaan Joshi
No, seriously, NBC, CBS, ABC, I don’t know who else. Which one of you is it? I want an answer. This man has been in the media for so long and he’s just. Not. Funny.
This is the year that so much happened to Hollywood — there were two simultaneous strikes, and on top of that, there’s lots of new technology being spread across the industry. There’s so much to talk about.
And Jimothy was there making a quip about getting “Oppenhammered” and offering a few other lazy jokes about the flops that have been plaguing Hollywood this year.
It’s his fourth time hosting, by the way, because Hollywood might just be that bereft of comedic talent. I’m sure there’s someone funny out there; maybe we can dig up Neil Patrick Harris and do that whole shebang one more time.
It doesn’t really get better — the jokes never really improve in quality. Kimmel isn’t known for getting the audience to roll on the floor laughing about his bits, but a few exhaling chuckles definitely doesn’t cut it.
It’s all fine, though, because the Oscars managed to be hilarious in their own way. Why not celebrate one of the biggest movies about empowering women by having a song about being a man represent the movie? It’s as if the Academy woke up, watched “Barbie,” and picked up the EXACT wrong message. Like, it’s completely and utterly wrong — I fully expect that when the selection committee was watching “Hidden Figures,” they were trying to figure out how to get Kevin Costner to talk about it. Ryan Gosling has a hell of a stage presence, and his performance was amazing, but seriously? The song y’all pick is the one song in the movie about being a man?
Now, “I’m Just Ken” didn’t win an Oscar, by some act of God, but the fact it was performed over so many other excellent songs that have been in pop culture this year is disappointing. But hey, the Academy has gotta know what it’s doing, right?
My favorite part was definitely the team behind “Godzilla Minus One” bringing their monster figurines onstage — I feel like they were bored out of their minds and were re-enacting the entire plot of “Jurassic Park” during some of Kimmel’s more insomnia-curing monologues, but I can’t be sure. Either way, plus one for the little dinos. I love ‘em; bring more of those to the Oscars. Christopher Nolan should’ve brought a small nuclear bomb to the production. I think that might have heated things up just a bit.
Beyond that, very little really happened at the Oscars. John Cena stripped down for us, but Neil already did that bit. Trump tweeted about how boring they were in the middle of it all, and Jiminy stopped and read that tweet in the middle of it all, which was… fine? I mostly felt like I was watching his monologues from 2018 again.
I’d like to thank the Academy for giving me an easy way to fall asleep early. Goodnight folks — I’m gonna go watch the Razzies like a true film connoisseur.
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