Study: Most TAs are clueless, incompetent dumbasses who can’t do my homework for me

by William Curvan “A very reasonable student”

Real disclaimer from the author, not trying to be funny: If you were ever my student in 21-259, this is not about you, all the people who came to my recitation and office hours were wonderful and competent.

A recent study reports that the vast, vast majority of TAs are clueless, idiotic fools who should never have been allowed into education.

Curvan et al. with funding from Natrat Enterprises LLC and the CMU Department of Academic Cluelessness conducted an extensive, longitudinal analysis of teaching practices in a number of second-year and third-year-level courses across multiple academic departments. The results overwhelmingly supported the conclusion that nearly every TA is a dumbass who fails to meet the basic requirements of their literal job.

For instance, this research analyzed a case study in which a student came to an office hour session with several well-posed observations about the material such as “The professor didn’t explain this” and “I don’t even know where to start.” It was discovered that in 98 percent of cases (give or take 4 percent) the TAs were not able to look at my — I mean the subjects’ — handwriting and discern the extremely clear flow of logic therein.

Furthermore, TAs were often ignorant of information regarding the contents of the final exam and the reasons for why the professor’s lecture style is “like that.”

In an interview with one subject following the study, they said “the shockingly consistent outcome of going to office hours is that I don’t have all my homework done by the end of it, even though I spent the whole time talking to the TA.”

In a later section of the study, the researchers passively observed office hours, and noted that 75 percent of explanations of course content by the TAs made “no sense,” and in 13.574 percent of cases the material being explained was “so stupid and worthless.”

The report, mailed to the Office of the University Provost in a box filled with razor blades, has not yet resulted in the replacement of all the bad TAs.