The Tartan

I am not engaged to Alex Wolff, I am not engaged to Alex Wolff, I am not engaged to Alex Wolff, I am not engaged to Alex Wolff.

With developments in how we connect with each other, lines have become blurred in what constitutes a social interaction. Social media churns out audiences’ opportunity to engage in one-sided relationships more efficiently than ever. Parasocial relationships, the one-sided relationships that audiences typically develop with public figures, have worked their way into everyday interaction beyond the realms of romantic fantasy. As social media strays from being about social interaction in favor of instead pushing social persona, what is the difference between a follower, a friend, and a fan?

Because of how rapidly the social landscape is developing, there are few models that help us understand how we are meant to navigate relationships. 

Our parents grew up under an entirely different set of social standards and expectations. 

Imagine this: you are a teenager complaining to your Gen X parents about having difficulty getting a job, only to be told that what you need to be doing is printing out your resume and bringing it to the local Gamestop. Your parents say: “The problem with kids these days is that they don’t know how to talk to people!” 

You begrudgingly print out your resume and trek to the mall, only to be told by the 18-year-old working the counter that all applications are done through the website. The times they are a-changin’. According to science communication researchers, teenagers often “look to other people’s behaviors for guidance about appropriate disclosure.” When their present role models fail to fulfill this need. Guidance from television and film often act as a shortcut that teaches adolescents how to engage in romantic and social relationships.

The reason why people, especially adolescents, find themselves in such need for guidance in romantic relationships is because love is not a victimless crime. A study by sociologist Angela Griffiths, most of the 1353 teens reported experiencing some form of physical, emotional, or sexual violence in their romantic partnerships. 

Adolescents gravitate towards parasocial romantic relationships (PSRRs) in their exploration of love, as PSSRs allow adolescents to experiment with romance without being perceived as promiscuous and to “shield [said adolescent] from emotional threats of rejection or getting hurt.” 

Those who participate in PSRR’s — knowingly or unknowingly — “[idealize]… what romantic relationships are like.” The unattainable standard set in PSRRs ultimately ends up diminishing satisfaction with the romantic relationship outside of the PSRR. Parasocial relationships can become an issue as if left unchecked; “outcomes such as perception of sex and sexuality, and self-objectification will ensue.” Parasocial relationships remain limited in how they can prepare adolescents for romantic relationships due to the unhealthy ideals they can perpetuate. 

Parasocial romantic relationships, while unsustainable, unhealthy, and unfulfilling, do have a certain benefit. 

The pursuit of parasocial relationships allows for the exploration of fantasy without the dangers of putting yourself out there, such as rejection, humiliation, and heartbreak. (I am generally anti humiliation and heartbreak, though wiser minds may differ.) 

One could argue that these feelings are necessary and quintessential to learning how to live and operate with the fullest range of feelings human experience. However, arguments about the necessity of unpleasant feelings is something that not everyone wants to be reminded of. While parasocial relationships offer an opportunity to explore romantic relationships without immediate risk, they do not serve as an ideal solution to loneliness and longing. Parasocial romantic relationships can lead to unrealistic romanticized expectations of love and romantic relationships. 

Me? Be in a parasocial relationship? Never. I happen to be engaged to 20 different men, none of whom I have ever had a conversation with — I don’t have time for parasocial relationships. 

Parasocial relationships are problematic, but I like to think of their increased prevalence from the standpoint of their function as necessary social evolution in self discovery and exploration. We can’t all be engaged to Willem Dafoe, but wouldn’t it be fun?