The Tartan

By Lily Stern

We’re missing good six-out-of-ten pop in the current music market. A clean, catchy, standard three minutes about love and lust and something a bit quirky to tide you over during workouts or car rides. I’m a huge proponent of experimenting with music to push boundaries, but I’m sick of recent music trying to “rise above” tried and true boring radio pop — what artists like Sabrina Carpenter have returned to lately.

To clarify — I think her music is anything but boring. In actuality, I consider it innovative because it returns to templates used by artists like Katy Perry or Taylor Swift in their early 2010s success, yet puts an impactful, personal spin on the formula. Sabrina Carpenter has a hugely diverse discography, but in her last two albums, she’s managed to create a cohesive soundscape where every track feels completely consistent with the ones before and after it. I think she’s hit the pop formula jackpot and deserves every bit of success she’s received over the last couple of years, and “Short n’ Sweet” is exemplary of that.

“Taste”

I’m immediately struck by her vocal quality. She’s always been a talented singer, but her songs now spotlight how even the shortest notes she sings are clear, controlled, and have a super distinct tone. I like the guitar sound being stronger here — it’s clear the album is going to lean more country-pop than straight traditional pop from this leadoff choice. And the refrain? It’s so catchy, so inventive, and has delightfully fun lyrics. The bridge is always playing in my head too, with its chanting crescendo and the build-up to the last large chorus. I wish the track was a little bit longer, but it’s such a tight package that it still feels like a complete song. 

“Please Please Please”

We KNOW this is a good song, even if it’s been beaten to death all over social media for months. We also know I have gripes with Jack Antonoff’s synthpop at times, but this is him at his finest. I love how much she stays in a comfortable range yet puts her vocals at the forefront of each track — despite production being enormous and crucial to the song, the vocal layering is gorgeously intricate. Once again, she perfects the art of the refrain with sharp storytelling and simple words to sing and process. It’s a great songwriting tactic, and also cements her personality brand and the character of all her recent work. (However, if someone wrote this song about me I’d never show my face in public again. So embarrassing.)

“Good Graces”

I like the intro’s muffled vocals and the instrumentals — the dancing synth is very interesting. I can hear the RnB influence from the second the lyrics drop in, and although I’m less inclined to like songs with this talk-singing style, there’s enough singing-singing to make me satisfied. Although her voice is breathy and lighter throughout the track, it’s nevertheless very clear. When I first listened, I predicted this would be a fan favorite but less of a personal favorite. That doesn’t mean I don’t like it — the chorus is such an earworm and the “I won’t give a f*** about you” repetition is very cheeky. 

“Sharpest Tool”

The OPENING line perfectly cites the titular idiom. It reminds me of my beloved divisive track “skinny dipping” from her previous album, but much improved. The pre-chorus uptick in tempo brought tears to my eyes the first time I heard it, and the delicate drop into the echo of “we never talk about it” is gorgeous. And the warped vocals during the next verse! I cried! This has already gone down in my streaming history — my favorite so far. The repetitive chorus is so simple but also sums up the rest of the song’s intense, incisive lyrics. I feel like an eavesdropper in this failed relationship but I’m waving my hands around like an idiot enjoying it nonetheless.

“Coincidence”

One of my least favorite songs but still a strong, decent country-pop track. I love it when Sabrina puts on her Dolly Parton wig for a second because this is such a crowd-pleasing little song. It stays under three minutes, but it’s full of chanted group vocals, strong guitar progressions, and cutesy yet knife-sharp lyrics. I might be thinking about “your car drove itself from L.A. to her thighs” for a while. Again, a fun song, just not incredibly unique, or as much for me stylistically. 

“Bed Chem”

The first word that comes to mind to describe the production is “beachy.” I love the imagery and the thinly veiled descriptive lyrics that all but expose the song’s object of interest. The chorus vocals get a little muddled just by sheer virtue of how high the notes are, albeit making her vocals all the more impressive. Her wordplay is also at its finest here. Every track has a wildly witty line that makes me blink or snort or even laugh out loud, and this one has to go to “come right on me — I mean camaraderie!” hands down. 

“Espresso”

This is still my pick for song of the summer. I’m somehow never sick of this one, though it’s been overplayed. Every single lyric is relatable, aspirational, or applicable somewhere to someone. The production is so dreamy and classic yet avoids feeling dated. My favorite moments are also definitely the “yes!” adlibs behind the pre-choruses. I can’t help but think “CUTE!” And it may seem silly to some to sing “that’s that me espresso” over and over, but if you don’t get it, I frankly can’t help you.

“Dumb and Poetic”

Another song where the opening line appears in the title and another song with scathingly relatable lyrics. Her voice is at its best here — soft and angelic and floating over a delicate instrumental of strings and acoustic guitar. The varying refrain of “just ‘cause you talk/act/leave like one, doesn’t make you a man” is cutting and raw, simultaneously provoking pity for her in listeners, and shame for the song’s subject. It’s just too short, and that’s my repeated issue.

“Slim Pickins”

This is a noted display of her agility and rich vocals, especially in her lower register. While I think the song is objectively fine, I don’t love it. It feels more like an interlude because it’s the opposite of big and bombastic, but still doesn’t manage to be as arresting as the other slower moments so far. Her comments on bad grammar and her casual drop about mourning her lack of a queer awakening are standouts; the refrain of “moaning and bitching” doesn’t do much for me. However, her music is opinionated in such a deeply personal way that I feel like I can’t dislike what any song is about to a great degree.

“Juno”

The buoyant instrumental instantly grabbed my attention! Plus she sounds beautiful belting out one of the catchiest choruses I’ve heard this decade, and I wouldn’t hesitate in calling it one of her best songs. (And I KNOW her discography. I’ve been here since “Girl Meets World,” so sit down if you only found her in 2023.) And okay, fine, the song is excessively horny and about a movie featuring teen pregnancy. We can still get behind it. Even the unhinged on this album is perfect — so quippy, so sexy, and so hilarious. This is like if Taylor Swift was just a little flirtier on “Red,” right down to the guitar riff after the bridge. A classic pop b-side, thankfully the longest on the record.

“Lie To Girls”

The bridge to the outro of this song catapulted it in my rankings after several listens. The lyrics are incredibly illustrative, and while they lean a little rambling over concise, some are so heartbreakingly relatable (butterflies feeling like cardiac arrest anyone?) that I’ll let my usual complaint about poetry-as-lyrics slide. I can’t remember much of the melody outside of the chorus until that crescendoing, percussive ending, but I remember every time why I’m not a bigger fan — it ends so fast. At least she sounds spectacular. 

“Don’t Smile”

This might be No.1 on the album. The piano and the beat plunking in from the first several seconds are so smooth, and her vocals are at their absolute best. I was initially inclined to complain about how breathily she chooses to sing here, but then she comes in clearer and cleaner and I’m reminded of how much of a stylistic chameleon she’s become over the years. The second verse is wondrously groovy and the electric guitar in the outro was described in my initial notes as “scrumptious.” I’m inclined to agree weeks later. A beautiful choice for a closer: open the album with them thinking about you, and end it that way too. I hope she makes more RnB tracks like this sooner — they’re often her best.

Favorite tracks: “Sharpest Tool” “Don’t Smile” “Juno” “Taste” “Lie To Girls” “Espresso”

Am I calling this album a 6/10? No. More like an 8/10. There are no real poor-quality songs, every track is catchy, and the lyrics are sharp and funny — even brilliant at times. But it’s just simple pop music at the end of summer, stretching out the season a little longer. I’ve been listening non-stop just because these songs are FUN! 
(And yes, I think she can call this her sophomore album, which Twitter has been disputing as it’s technically her sixth. A: Try listening to her earlier music and reconciling her public image then with now; she’s grown up and there’s nothing wrong with that. B: A global pandemic interrupted the industry! I’d say we have bigger things to worry about than how an artist defines their music catalog, because, after all, it’s theirs!)