All right. What’s going on? It’s the end of October and I am feeling joy watching Steelers football. Don’t do that, Steelers. Don’t give me hope, I cannot do hope anymore, because it is, and always will be, the hope that kills ya.
However.
STILLERS GAHNTA DA SUPER BAWLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!
That’s right, your one and only Pittsburgh Steelers are 5-2, and if I know anything about Steelers football, we’re going to trip over our feet, drop a bunch of winnable games, and somehow sneak into the playoff at 10-6-1. As Mike Tomlin really ought to say: “Make it so.”
But the Steelers look different this year. Art Model II, the scoundrel that he is, does not like paying his team or splurging. While the Models are certainly not the worst sports owners, my hatred goes out to Woody “My name is an innuendo” Johnson, they’re not wont to spend on this team. Matt Canada was allowed to keep his job for far, far too long, violating every U.S. and three-letter agency law on dealing with terrorists. We don’t negotiate, and yet, we let Canada stick around.
But here’s the thing. The Steelers did stuff this season; they traded for a young QB in Justin “bad at football” Fields and Russ “bad at football” Wilson, a combination of QB1/QB2 that could single handedly get any coaching staff fired. Luckily, Russ was on veteran’s minimum, but man, what the hell.
Even so, the stellar defense, the absolute maulings TJ Watt hands out every game, and the moderately-competent-to-sorta-average offense provided by our two prodigal QBs is somehow just enough to propel this team into winning games against bad teams.
So I guess that means FOOTBAW IS BACK BABY LETS GO STILLERS.
The Steelers aren’t the only team doing interestingly this year, because man, this sport sucks if you’re not named the Kansas City Chiefs. Even with sub-par play from the League’s Golden Boy, Kermit Mahouse, KC is still rocking other teams, and it sucks to watch. Meanwhile, on the other side of the coin, Detroit has unseated Minnesota in the NFC north, something which is rapidly shaping up to be the toughest division in football. With a surprisingly solid Vikes squad, the resurgent, Cali-QB led Bears, and the demonic entity that directs the Packers, the division is hell for everyone involved.
Detroit gets good for one season and the whole damn north collaborates to take them down. Still, the Lions are tearing it up on the field, turning teams into mincemeat and blowing the breaks off their opponents. An unfortunate loss to the Bucs aside, the Lions have been making waves in the NFC, and it’s possible the team will make its first Super Bowl appearance this year.
Also, Deshawn Watson is injured. I will not speak of the dead, but he’s alive and a quarter billion dollars richer, so man is he a monster. Watson has settled most of his cases, but too many seem to be popping up. He’s a bad person, and the less I have to watch him play football, the better.
Besides that, Levis and Richardson have both been middling QBs, the Broncos seemed to have done okay with Bo Nix, I don’t think I’ve seen meaningful snaps from Michael Penix, and JJ is injured, so the freshman QB class is a bit of a wash. Here’s to a tumultuous rest of the season and another ring for the Steel City because god do we need a break up here.
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