The Tartan

By Balambal Suryanarayanan

My introduction to One Direction played out during the COVID-19 lockdown, and I’d like to unabashedly admit that it was Wattpad that transmogrified me into a die-hard Directioner. Hey, don’t roll your eyes at me like that! It was COVID-19, my dad hadn’t snuck in any new books by my side, I had finished my to-read list (the first and last time I’ll ever pull that stunt), there was a book drought, and Wattpad was my only salvation, having me dig through its online shelves like a famished dragon.

Before you judge me further, yes, I did find some really good books in the bunch, and yes, I indeed was slapped with the fate of stumbling across some books that made me wanna gouge my eyes out. Still, it gives my heart overflowing happiness to admit that it was a wonderfully-penned and emotionally-ruining book titled “Some Wounds Never Heal” by Ruby Titus (her Wattpad name is MidnightRose55) that served as my first entry to the world of One Direction. (No, it wasn’t Anna Todd’s “After,” thankfully.) 

It is based on the beautiful song “Moments” from “Up All Night,” the debut album of One Direction which, in the novel, would be written by the deuteragonist Ed as a tribute to his best friend Beckinsile Williams following her death for her grieving lover, Oliver Marshall. The novel made me a broken mess. The song was no different, taking me through a roller coaster of emotions. Lamentations of the lover to his long-lost love were expressed beautifully by the band through the lines “You know I’ll be, your life, your voice, your reason to be,” Harry striking chords expressing a heartfelt desire to just turn back time, and Zayn’s warning of the concluding doom in a fast track. I hadn’t cried my heart out like that since reading “The Book Thief,” “A Thousand Splendid Suns,” or Reid’s “The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo,” yet it was this shaky start that served as the beginning of my transition to a mad Directioner completely in love with the band, the beats, and their songs.

Scooting forward to 2024, reeling from the shock of Liam’s tragic passing, the breakdown elevated further with realizing that One Direction would never be the same again. I silently made my way towards my Spotify to dig back through my One Direction playlist, playing it on loop all day long. I know this might seem stupid, but listening to those songs in the wake of Liam’s death stirred something in me, the emotions mimicking what I felt the day my dad and I listened on loop to S.P. Balasubrahmanyam’s songs following his death. And in an attempt to share those emotions with fellow Directioners across Carnegie Mellon, here I am, penning the songs that left me grooving, leaving an impact, and a love to remember. 

“Night Changes” (“Four”)

Like “Live While We’re Young,” the song explores living a life well-enjoyed in the present and holding onto moments. “Night Changes” deals with the swift reverse cards that time could pull, stressing the need to celebrate one’s life as it comes all the while gaining love. The lines “Does it ever drive you crazy/ Just how fast the night changes?/ Everything that you’ve ever dreamed of/ Disappearin’ when you wake up” are synonymous with the unpredictability of life, encouraging listeners to savor every single moment. This song continues to be my go-to during the days I feel lost, and how my cousins used to remind me to take a break when they realize I’ve been missing everything important.

“Same Mistakes” (“Up All Night”)

A mid-tempo song, despite being written for a boy and a girl who try to make it work but end up making the same mistakes, has always struck me for its lines about doing the right thing by learning from your mistakes and not repeating them. The lines “Closer, maybe looking closer, there’s more to discover / Find out what went wrong without blamin’ each other” have a great lesson. Sometimes we miss out on the little things that led to things going wrong on our end and find someone to make a scapegoat. Instead, the song asks us to pay better attention to the things we might miss and faults on our end that would keep us from going back to making the same mistakes again. The song also leans on learning from one’s past instead of making it a life sentence and transitions from a bassline timbre to high-pitched notes alternatingly. 

“I Wanna Write You A Song” (“Made in the A.M”)

Okay, this one and “Steal My Girl” would be my swoon-worthy picks, because it has the words that you’d write for someone you love. The pattern of notes stays uniform throughout the song at a medium pace sung in turns by the band. Every line in this song screams real love, and the one that has continued to stick with me — running through my head unannounced everytime I read a romance that screams green-flag — would be “I want to write you a song / One to make your heart remember me / So any time I’m gone / You can listen to my voice and sing along.” Oh yeah, I blush at this point!

“If I Could Fly” (“Made in the A.M”)

Featuring a prominent piano solo laden with warm harmonies, every word of the song rides through vulnerability and a sense of emotional intimacy. The song is slow and medium-paced at some parts, but Louis’ angelic voice, Liam’s high-pitched notes, Harry’s deep timbre, and Niall’s stunning solos entwined with the beautiful piano make the song every bit better. As someone who has believed in pouring the darkest skeletons of one’s heart to someone who your gut knows will have your back, for better or for worse, healing you through and through, the line “I’ve got scars / Even though they can’t always be seen /And pain gets hard / But now you’re here and I don’t feel a thing” always makes me go, “Yeah, please. I’ll go sit in a corner and cry.”

This list was the hardest to make, for every song in One Direction will always have a special place in my heart (no rankings attached!). If I ever needed a good cry, “Moments” was what I turned to, and if I wanted to validate the child running wild within my heart, “Live While We’re Young” would be my go-to. If authors ever killed off a character I loved or turned them evil, “Where do Broken Hearts Go” was my choice, and for people who chided me for not acting my age, I laughed with the band by listening to “Act My Age.” For fascinating personalities I spotted from a distance, “One Thing” ran in my head rent free, and when people asked me why I loved books, I responded with a smile and hummed “They Don’t Know About Us” to my books. “What Makes You Beautiful” was my love letter to myself if I ever slipped into the ocean of low self-esteem, and if ever I needed a peppy song to just let my mind run crazy, “Up All Night,” “Save You Tonight,” “She’s Not Afraid,” “C’mon, C’mon,” “Midnight Memories,” and “No Control” were there. So, One Direction was a constant through all the emotional rollercoasters, for every single feeling in my life, and I think it’s going to stay that way forever and ever.