Scene: Airport, much bustle. It’s Christmas season, and there are Christmas trees, ornaments, and holiday cheer everywhere. We focus on STUDENT A and STUDENT B, who won’t be given more interesting names later.
Student A: Oh Student B, I can’t believe we have to be long distance for Christmas. What am I supposed to do with all my free time if I can’t stress about my classes with you?
Student B: Don’t worry, this break definitely won’t feel nearly long enough. We’ll be back at CarNAYgie in no time, and we’re going to have so much fun next year doing computer science. I promise.
Student A: I’m going to miss you so much. Promise me you’ll call everyday? And we’ll talk about things besides school and how much we don’t want to go back to school?
Student B: I’ll try, but I’m pre-studying for my major, and I think you should too. It’ll give us an edge on everyone else when the class starts! Also, we should go to all the scheduled meetings for our important big city internship at ApGoogMetaSoft that’s going to change our lives!
Student A: Well, I guess. I’m just glad we both got our internships at ApGoogMetaSoft. This semester will be so much less stressful now that I know I don’t need to do any more job interviews.
PA System: Now Boarding all passengers to flight 1234A, direct Pittsburgh to Nowheresville, Maine.
Student A: That’s my flight, I have to go. I’ll see you after break, Student B! I love you!
Student B: I love you too, Student A. And I’ll call you every day like I promised.
Scene: Student A is walking down a street in Nowheresville, Maine. The street seems empty, and the storefronts are mostly closed, or very boring. Imagine boring places, like Ross, but somehow just the shoe section. A tumbleweed rolls by in the background. Student A does not look at it.
Student A: Oh, there’s nothing to do in this town. I miss Pittsburgh, the City that Never Sleeps. I miss the wild nightlife and the crazy big-city things that I, a city-person, love. I miss my partner, Student B. I wonder what they’re up to.
[Student A continues to walk absentminded until she runs into Small Town Guy. Both Student A and Small Town Guy fall to the ground, and Small Town Guy’s things go everywhere. They’re mostly woodworking tools, and like, I dunno, blue collar stuff. Nobody watching or reading this knows what blue collar people do. Also, Small Town Guy is wearing a flannel, but, like, in the working class way.]
Student A: HEY! Watch where you’re going.
Small Town Guy: Oh my God, I’m so sorry, I feel so awful. I was just running from my puppy shelter to help build another puppy shelter for puppies who don’t like living with other puppies, and I must not have been paying attention.
Student A: Oh… well… watch where you’re going anyway, idiot!
Small Town Guy: Oh, you’re fun to deal with. I haven’t seen you before, are you new in town?
Student A: Oh, no, I live here. Well, my family moved here when I moved to college, so that we looked better for FAFSA. I’m originally from the Big Apple.
Small Town Guy: Pittsburgh? No way, what’s it like out there?
Student A: Oh it’s amazing, it’s so busy, and fun, and there’s so much to do. Something is always open, and it’s like the city has so much life and energy. My partner and I met there, actually, but they’re busy right now… pre-studying. It’s so much more fun than this boring small town.
Small Town Guy: Oh… pre-studying. That’s cool, I guess, where do you and your partner go?
Student A: Carnegie Mellon.
Small Town Guy: Oh that’s awesome! I used to want to go to Carnegie, but then my mother died of cancer, and my father also died of cancer at the exact same time, so instead of going to college, I decided to pick a blue collar career. I will not elaborate on my tragic backstory.
Student A: That makes complete sense and I will not question it. It sucks that you never got to go to the big city though, and you’re stuck in this [looks around] place. Maybe your parents died of boredom cancer. Get it? I need to start out malicious so I can have a character arc.
Small Town Guy: Oh, well, la di da, Big City Person. I guess Nowheresville, Maine just isn’t good enough for someone from the Big Apple. Well why don’t you go back to your partner in Pittsburgh and maybe the two of you can try to prepare for your finals together.
Student A: I bet your “aw shucks” Small Town Guy charm has worked on a whole lotta people before, but not me. Maybe I will go prepare for finals. I HATE YOU.
Small Town Guy: I HATE YOU TOO.
Scene: Student A is driving their car through the wintery and snowy parts of Maine, when they suddenly get caught in a snowstorm. They’re currently inside their car, snowed in, and trapped.
Student A: Oh, this is just awful. I can’t believe I’m trapped inside this car, a representation of technology, while being stuck under snow. This is basically just a textbook example of the folly of overconfidence, and if I’d listened to the townspeople and not gone outside during the worst thunderstorm since the 1300s, I’d be drinking eggnog and listening to Mariah Carey right now.
Small Town Guy: [knocking loudly on car door] HEY, DO YOU NEED SOME HELP?
Student A: OH MY GOD, Small Town Guy? Yes please save me.
Small Town Guy: Oh… it’s you…
Student A: Please, please save me, I left town because I felt like the small town folks disapproved of my big city attitudes and I’m being struck down for my hubris.
Small Town Guy: Thanks for clearing up the themes of this stage play. Hold on, let me work my blue collar magic.
[Small Town Guy manages to move the snow by using his sled powered by the two rival puppy orphanages.]
Small Town Guy: There you go!
[Small Town Guy opens the door; Student A falls out into Small Town Guy’s arms.]
Student A: …
Student A: I should get going, I have a very important Zoom meeting with ApGoogMetaSoft to get to. I’ll see you around, Small Town Guy.
Small Town Guy: Yeah… I’ll see you around, Student A.
Scene: Student A has returned to the Nowheresville Airport. They seem to be waiting for someone, and in a few minutes, Student B shows up at the airport, ready to accompany Student A home.
Student B: I managed to find a flight here that connected via Nowheresville, I’m so glad I get to fly with you back to CarNAYgie!
Student A: Yeah… I… can’t wait.
[Small Town Guy runs over to try to talk to Student A. He stops a few steps before Student B.]
Student B: Oh, who is this?
Student A: This is just a friend of mine, Small Town Guy. What are you doing here?
Small Town Guy: Student A, we need to talk…
[Small Town Guy grabs them and pulls them out of earshot.]
Small Town Guy: I know we only really spent time together when I saved your life and you were a complete and utter ass otherwise, but I’m madly in love with you, and if you go back to the Big City, I’ll never see you again. I know I’m not as exciting or loud as Pittsburgh, but I love you, Student A, and you should stay here.
Student A: Oh… Small Town Guy, I can’t. I have to get back, and I have to do my internship at ApGoogMetaSoft… I’m sorry.
Small Town Guy: Well, I guess that’s that.
Student A: It was fun, Small Town Guy. I’m glad I met you.
Small Town Guy: I’m glad I met you too, Student A.
Student A: You think we’ll see each other again?
Small Town Guy: I sure hope so. C’mon, you’ll miss your flight.
[Student A walks towards Student B, and the two walk away slowly towards the airport terminal.]
Student B: I can’t wait to tell you all about computer science and talk about our soon-to-be-jobs. I love CarNAYgie. I’m so excited to go back.
Student A, angry: Do you think about anything besides school?
Student B: Huh? Student A, are you all right?
Student A: No, I’m not alright. I used to think I was better than everyone here because I went to college in the Big Apple (Pittsburgh), but now I know I’m not. And there’s a life outside LeetCode mediums and job interviews and SWE, and I want that life.
Student B: Student A… what are you saying?
Student A: I don’t love you anymore, Student B. I love Small Town Guy, and I’m going to stay here with them.
Student B: You can’t stay here! What about your job at ApGoogMetaSoft? You’ll lose it!
Student A: Oh yeah? Well, that’s the best part. I quit!
[Student A runs towards Small Town Guy and the two embrace. Credits roll.]
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