Alright folks, it’s that time of year! Can you smell it in the air? The palpable, sickeningly-sweet stench of chocolate and roses with hints of loneliness and burnout? Every person in a romantic relationship is becoming increasingly stressed, sappy, and obnoxious; everyone who’s single is getting lonelier and somehow also more obnoxious. That’s right: No one is safe from my Valentine’s Day cynicism.
Don’t fret, my cynicism is warranted. Allow me to share an anecdote: The year was 2000-whatever. I was in first grade, clad in my school uniform and Skechers, hands probably sticky for some reason. My class was cutting out pink paper hearts for Valentine’s Day, and I, feeling particularly bold, handed one to a boy I had a crush on. Rather than accepting my gesture with the marriage proposal I had hoped for, he did something that I now consider an epic piece of exposition for my villain origin story: He threw it away.
Full disclosure: I have no idea if that story actually happened or not. I had very vivid dreams as a child, so it’s really up in the air. However, I’m pretty sure it actually happened, and, for the sake of this article, we’ll act like it definitely did.
In other words, I’ve never loved Valentine’s Day. And I don’t think I’m alone in this. Many people refer to the holiday as a Hallmark holiday, a marketing scheme, a sham to make single people feel bad about themselves, etc. The bitter pessimist in me agrees with all of these points. After all, what is a holiday in 2025 if not an excuse for marketing execs to make copious amounts of money, and for consumers to keep the wheel of capitalism a-turning? Valentine’s Day also puts so much unnecessary pressure on couples, and I think that pressure should just be saved for anniversaries instead. Of course, this doesn’t apply to my pals out there who have their anniversaries on Valentine’s Day. Y’all have my deepest sympathies. But no matter when they fall, anniversaries are your own unique, special day! And they’re actually a significant date in a relationship, as opposed to some random marketing scheme of a holiday.
Okay, okay. I’m (mostly) done being bitter. While I love complaining, I also love love! I’ll concede and say that it’s adorable to have a widely-recognized day specifically meant for celebrating love in its many forms. Despite my tragic story from earlier, I do have some fun (though unwaveringly vague) memories from childhood Valentine’s Days. Most of these memories center around Valentine’s Day school activities, the details of which I will share presently, as I’m sure you’re eager to hear them.
In elementary school, we would pass around Valentine’s cards to everyone in our class (yes, you had to give one to everyone. I think. No seven-year-old in my class was audacious enough to try otherwise). We should bring this tradition back. I want free candy and sweet little notes with silly puns on them. This simple ritual was equivalent to the Met Gala in little Sofia’s mind. One of my parents would take me to Walgreens, and I would scan the aisles for the perfect cards. Once found, I would bring the cards to my kitchen counter and hunch over them in a manner analogous only to a lion looming over a gazelle. I was a woman on a mission. Sharpie in hand, paper school directory (which, looking back, is absolutely a violation of privacy) open in front of me, I would spend an unbelievable amount of time writing everyone’s names on the cards. There were maybe 19 people in my class. It really shouldn’t have taken as long as I remember it taking.
Some kids would hand out candy with their cards. They were undeniably cooler than me.
These Valentine’s cards were nothing compared to my elementary school’s ultimate status symbol: the candygram. Simple yet effective, the humble candygram was a small pink piece of paper with a lip-shaped lollipop attached to it. We would buy them during lunch, address them to someone (usually a friend; sometimes, for the bravest of souls, a crush), write a note, and wait. These would get passed around at the end of the school day on Valentine’s Day, and people would literally count how many they got (yes, absolutely messed up and sad, but most seven-year-olds aren’t concerned about the moral implications of perpetuating a popularity contest). I don’t remember many specific details about my experience with these candygrams, other than the fact that the lollipops would turn your tongue a fun color, which was neat.
I also remember getting the occasional Valentine’s gifts from my parents, which I think is very sweet. These gifts always made me feel loved and happy on a day that — sorry to get real — could sometimes feel very lonely as a single teenager.
Speaking of which, let’s popularize the idea that Valentine’s Day is about more than just romantic love. Celebrate it with your friends! Celebrate it with your family! Celebrate it by yourself! Platonic love, familial love, and self love are all incredibly valid, important, and worth celebrating. Single people unite! As a cure for my incessant cynicism, let’s reclaim February 14th as a day for spreading all kinds of love.
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