“I don’t know how this happened,” began Sara Tonin, fidgeting with her rings and clad in a Radiohead t-shirt.
Sara is a sophomore studying computer science as well as science of computing. I sat down with her after learning about her recent romantic success: she found her girlfriend after submitting her sexual frustrations to Carnegie Mellon’s coveted Missed Connections Instagram.
Sara had never dated anyone previously, “cuz Covid,” making her recent romance all the more impressive. Additionally, she only agreed to our interview if I paid her in Quaker puffed rice cakes.
Her successful Missed Connections submission reads as follows: “to the half-white, half-Indian, half-Asian (mysterious European mix?) girl with the open eyes and the blonde-black-brown hair wearing navy headphones and a black shirt on Friday, date me please please please please please please please Please please please please please please please plasae please please please please please please please please please please please please – also are u into girls ? Also i can fix u.”
According to Sara, her now-girlfriend Mela was able to just sense the writer’s identity, and magically DMed Sara directly. “She’s really into crystals,” said Sara, explaining her girlfriend’s powerful divination. How romantic! For their first date, Sara and Mela visited Waterfront’s Barnes & Noble. To that, I asked Sara if they bought any books: “No – we just voyeured.”
We closed our interview with a passionate handshake, to which Sara remarked that that moment was her first time in two years touching another human person.
In my post-interview reflections, I realized it seems like shouting to the Instagram void to avoid real social interaction can work! So, Carnegie Mellon, keep your airpods on and your hoods up — all you have to do is remain anonymous and slightly creepy, and love will certainly come your way.
And Sara’s closing remarks to the world, you ask?
“Well, I never thought my racially ambiguous TA would want to date me! But here we are!”
By: Kaya Kozlowski
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