Article and art by Sam Bates
You’ve seen their names emblazoned on every public park in this city, and maybe you’ve developed a favorite over time. Here’s what it says about you…
Andrew Carnegie
We oughta get the big one out of the gate first. Ol’ Andy is the classic Pittsburgh industrialist. There are several reasons you might choose him. You might be Scottish. You might think he looks like Santa. Most likely, you’re kinda old and see him as a paragon of American innovation alongside Rockefeller and Vanderbilt. Your favorite president is probably George Washington.
George Westinghouse
There is absolutely no way you chose George Westinghouse if you are not an engineer. Only a passionate engineer would truly care about him; he’s been pushed to the side by the general public as the “other guy” when talking about Tesla and Edison. You probably really care about the history of engineering and innovation, and are a lovely person to be around because of it. Good on you.
Andrew Mellon
This is a bit of a questionable answer. No one actually likes Andrew Mellon. He’s just kind of… there. Odds are you saw his photo in the Carnegie Mellon Bookstore one day and decided to choose him so you could be different from everyone else.
Henry Frick
You might be a bit of a difficult person to be around. You probably have some strong opinions and a strong sense of refinement. I predict you chose Henry Frick because you perused his greenhouses and were wowed by his old cars. You went to his museum and found a common ground in your shared taste for Renaissance art. But whenever someone brings up Frick’s old pals, the Pinkertons, you quickly change the subject. You prefer wine to water.
Henry J. Heinz
Heinz is the quirky pick. You love old diners and classic Americana and things along those lines. You refer to your car as a “jalopy.” Your favorite movie was probably made in Technicolor, and your favorite thing about Pittsburgh is our yellow bridges. This is a good pick. I like you.
Mark Cuban
Yes, this is the same Mark Cuban you’re thinking of (the Shark Tank guy), and yes, he technically counts for this list as he’s a born and bred Pittsburgher (though most of these other guys aren’t). If you chose him as your favorite, you are either a very irritating person, or you have a very sardonic sense of humor. You are a nihilist.
Charles M. Schwab
You did not choose Charles M. Schwab as your favorite industrialist. Want to know how I know? No one has ever chosen Charles M. Schwab. I will pay anyone if they can find a single person who even knows this dude exists. I only found out he existed when the Pittsburgh Wikipedia page briefly mentioned him as one of the old steel magnates. Literally nobody remembers him, and I doubt you do either.
And there you have it! If we missed your favorite, or if none of these describe you, you probably just aren’t important enough. Sorry! If you did feel kinship with any of the descriptions above, know that here at pillbox, we’re judging you for it (unless you chose Heinz).
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