by Jimmy Baracia
I know you didn’t get enough of me rating Shakespeare insults (because how could you?) so I decided I would rate some more. Seven more, in fact. Without further ado, here are some more Shakespearean insults that ought to be brought back today. (Or maybe not. Some are actually pretty harsh.)
“I am sick when I do look on thee,” “A Midsummer Night’s Dream” (Act 2, Scene 1)
I must say I adore “A Midsummer Night’s Dream” and this line does not disappoint. I admire it for its simplicity — something that not all these insults have. Sure, it lacks a bit in the creative department, but it’s still a pretty solid choice, so you can’t complain too much. With that, I’ll give it a 8.62/10.
“What, you egg?” “Macbeth” (Act 4, Scene 2)
This one’s just a classic. What isn’t to love about it? It’s short, it’s straight to the point, and it is just downright hysterical. I feel like this one works so well that you honestly could use it and someone might not even realize that you are quoting Shakespeare and they won’t have to decipher the archaic syntax to understand the insult. However, I must admit that it is not nearly as offensive as some of the others (which isn’t good nor bad, just worth noting), so depending on the circumstance, this one might not work best. 9/10.
“Thou whoreson zed, thou unnecessary letter!” “King Lear” (Act 2, Scene 2)
Shakespeare must really hate the letter “Z,” and can you blame him? Name four words that start with “Z” — not including names. You can’t. You probably said zebra first and that’s enough right there. Regardless, taking that and using it as an insult is quite ingenious, you have to give it to him… unless your name starts with a “Z.” Then I can understand why you might not like this one. Just imagine for a moment turning to someone and calling them a “whoreson zed” or an “unnecessary letter.” The power you would hold. Oh, and can we start using “zed” instead of “Z”? I just think it’s more fun. 10/10.
“The rankest compound of villainous smell that ever offended nostril.” “The Merry Wives of Windsor” (Act 3, Scene 5)
What a beautiful way to tell someone they reek. Aw, it brings a tear to my eye, not only because of the insult but that wretched stench too — anybody know where it’s coming from? Look, I understand it’s midterms season, but we still need to be showering! And brushing our teeth! And eating three meals a day! And sleeping eight hours! But who am I to tell you that? I’m not your mom. Unless of course, you are sitting next to me in lecture and haven’t showered in a week, please go bathe. Please. 15/10.
“You are not worth another word, else I’d call you knave.” “All’s Well That Ends Well” (Act 2, Scene 3)
I like this one. We’ve all been there, wanting to slide in one last insult even though we know that it’s not worth our time or our energy, but hey! This one has got those two juxtaposed energies tied right into one insult. This is why I love Shakespeare, and I know you do too. 27/10.
“No longer from head to foot than from hip to hip, she is spherical, like a globe; I could find countries in her.” “The Comedy of Errors” (Act 3, Scene 2)
OH! MY! GOD! This one is literally never ending. Just when you think it’s over… nope! There is still more left. When I said, “What, you egg?” did not live up to the offensiveness of some of the other insults, I was specifically referring to this one. WOW. I cannot believe we are resorting to fat shaming… I literally don’t even know what to say. Besides, it’s creative too, you have got to give it that. Need I even say more? Offensive, creative, and insulting, so it’s a 40,075/10.
“Away, you three-inch fool!” “The Taming of the Shrew” (Act 4, Scene 1)
Need I even explain this one? It’s just too good. 100000000000/10.
There you have it, folks: my take on seven more Shakespearean insults. Use these on your friends, family, enemies, whoever… but if they hate you for it, please don’t tell them you got the idea from my article. I hereby take no responsibility for any ruined relationships.
SIDE NOTE: I found the insults on Bored Panda.
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