I used to think that being lonely was the worst feeling in the world — that the moments where I felt like I had no one were the most crippling — that was, until my “best friend” told me that that I was “too much” for him to handle anymore. Now I realize that being alone isn’t the worst, but putting all of your time and energy into someone who only loves you when it’s convenient for them is.
I’ve always been the kind of friend that would stay by your side until the very end. I’m loyal to a fault (which makes the fact that Lefou from “Beauty and the Beast” is my dream role a little more on the nose than I would care to admit). Realizing that other people don’t tend to operate that way has been a constant struggle for me since I was young, which is probably why, growing up, I always seemed to spend so much time reading rather than engaging with people around me.
College was the first time that I got a taste of what it would be like to have a solid friend — someone where it doesn’t feel like I always have to reach out to them, but they actually wanted to hang out with me too. But now that that’s over, I’ve come to realize that being alone is much better than being close to someone who will always put their needs first and who will deny their own problems to make you the problem.
All this to say, if you’re feeling lonely, if you feel like you haven’t necessarily found your people here at Carnegie Mellon, just know that you’re not alone. And honestly, if the only options are someone who drags you down with them or being alone, being alone is always best.
However, that doesn’t mean that there aren’t genuinely good people out there ready to be there for you. It just might be hard to find them, or see them amidst the heartache from losing someone you valued so much. It also may be difficult to feel like you have to be the one to reach out to people, but when you do you’ll find that people do want to spend time with you. So it can take a long time to recover from the emotional rollercoaster, but in the meantime, feeling lonely is okay, just know you’re not alone.
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