The lights darken, the room goes silent. A few seconds pass. The curtains open, revealing one man sitting on a stool, illuminated by a silvery spotlight. An actor walks on from stage right.
“We can’t keep doing this,” the entrant states.
“Of course we can! What we have is real.”
“It isn’t right, we’re from such different worlds. What would the press think? My therapist says I need to cut this off.”
“Well,” the sitting figure retorts, “Your therapist doesn’t know what love is.”
“This is purely physical. You don’t get to talk to me about real love, mister.”
“I’ve told you this a million times, Chalamet; don’t call me mister.”
The figure pauses for a second before continuing, “Call me Farnam.”
Suddenly, all stage lights go up, revealing an ensemble dressed in glittering flapper outfits dancing in unison down the stage and into the aisle; the rumba number begins.
The latest production from Carnegie Mellon’s School of Drama, “Farnam’s Lover,” premiered last weekend to both critical and public acclaim. An original script following unwitting A-list celebrity Timothée Chalamet falling into a romantic entanglement with current Carnegie Mellon President Farnam Jahanian was initially thought to be too bold or niche a concept, but, thanks to School of Drama Head Robert Ramirez’s guiding hand, this beautiful artistic vision has been brought to life. Luckily, we here at The Natrat have obtained exclusive interviews with the musical’s cast and crew.
“Farnam is unlike any other character I’ve portrayed,” states School of Drama senior Kristin Chenoweth Jr. “His raw masculine energy took a while for me to get down, but after studying his mannerisms from official speeches, I think I’ve done the role justice.” When asked what fueled the emotional component of the role, Chenoweth added, “so many of Farnam’s speeches and emails have been so impactful — to get into his emotional headspace, I often read his most impassioned monologues. Before the fight scene, for instance, I read his recent email about the Palestine Stu-Co — it’s powerful, powerful stuff.”
As for the genesis of this creative masterwork, we went to directing major and writer-director of the show Fob Bosse to find out how he came up with the idea. “Well, one night, I was stumbling home drunk, smoking 10 cigarettes at once just to feel something, when I stumbled into the 24-hour Pamela’s Diner. And then, as if illuminated by a heavenly beacon of light, I saw it: a framed old photograph of Farnam Jahanian and Barack Obama sharing Farnam’s famous crepe-style pancake, doing the whole ‘lady-and-the-tramp’ thing. That picture was all I needed, my creativity just flowed out from there. Twelve more packs of camels later, the script was finished.”
When Bosse was asked why Chalamet, a random actor, was the titular “Farnam’s Lover” as opposed to Obama himself, a rather bedraggled-looking federal agent menacingly emerged from the shadows. He threatened to remove Carnegie Mellon’s government funding if we kept up this line of questioning. When we told the agent that the government was already threatening to do that, he looked around in a rather embarrassed sort of way before scampering off in the direction of the steam tunnels. After this incident, Bosse elaborated. “I just find Timothée Chalamet madly attractive,” Bosse said. “Once you take out Obama, it’s more of a fanfiction than real history, so I figured, why not throw in some wish fulfillment?”
The Natrat reached out to Chalamet for comment about the show but have yet to receive a response.
Anyway, for those of you still hoping to see this masterpiece, the show runs for two weeks before closing. Although tickets are sold out, one can still see the show by visiting the box office 30 minutes prior to the posted performance time and getting on the waitlist.
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