By John Cost
Welcome to Pittsburgh, you freaky first-year critters!
I remember my first year — excited yet mildly disappointed, and indubitably annoyed by the seemingly lackluster food options here. But now, after marinating in this city for three cold long years, I’ve become adequately delusional and haven’t been to the West Coast in so long that I’ve completely forgotten what fresh, tasty food even is. This makes me the perfect person to bestow upon you first-year pests my coveted restaurant recommendations! And if you’re closer to death than our first-years, I implore you to visit these locales before you graduate and
inevitably (hopefully, dear God in heaven, please) leave Pittsburgh forever.
Without further ado, here’s my essential list of restaurants on the periphery of Carnegie Mellon that you’d be better off frequenting. If it’s on this list, it impresses me; if you want to eat good food, start with these places before anything else! And for the love of God, if you’re not on the meal plan, don’t eat on campus.
Mercurio’s:
Just the best. The best pizza. Really nice waitstaff. An amazing restaurant! They serve two things: incredible Neapolitan pizza and incredible handmade gelato. The family that runs it started their Pittsburgh venture along with another beloved Shadyside spot, Girasole. The story is cool, but the gelato is even cooler. I can’t imagine a better spot for a date or a post-midterm Friday mini-party with friends. Everyone gets a pizza and some gelato — both are almost enough to make you forget that YOU HAVE HOMEWORK DUE ON SATURDAY FOR 15-112!
You’d be hard-pressed to find this kind of quality pairing anywhere else outside of Pittsburgh, especially at this price! A $12 margherita pizza? Outrageous! Their tomato sauce is extremely good. Wait, $12 for a whole Neapolitan pizza? And the crust is perfect and the sauce is perfect and the cheese is perfect and it’s only $12 so I can buy gelato and pay less than $20 for the whole affair? This place is so good that no joke, I might’ve transferred schools if it didn’t exist.
Standout Dish: Romana Pizza
Masala House Indian Bistro:
Do you like Indian food? Have you had Indian food? According to my friend who grew up eating it, this place is solid. According to me? THIS IS THE MOST INCREDIBLE TIKKA MASALA I HAVE EVER HAD SLIDE DOWN MY THROAT. For less than $20 between noon and 2 p.m., you can experience the wonder that is their Thali. It’s like a buffet, but they bring you a selection of dishes, including dessert, fresh naan (which is AMAZING), and rice. Always included is their signature tikka masala, and if you want more, they’ll bring as many rounds as you can handle.
You can choose between meat or vegetarian Thali. Hands down, this is the best tikka masala I’ve had in Pittsburgh (but if you have a counter-pick, I’m open to debate).
Standout Dish: Tikka Masala and Thali
Kiin Lao Thai and Eatery:
As much as I’d love to eat at Mercurio’s every weekend, I need variety in my life! (Just kidding, Mercurio’s is the only restaurant I go to. I bleed gelato). Enter Kiin Lao, a super fun restaurant with unique dishes! The owner is very fun, and the atmosphere is always great. But more importantly, their soups and bases are absolutely delicious. The curries pack heat, and everything on the menu is worth a try.
Standout Dish: Chicken Pumpkin Curry
Szechuan Gourmet:
If you’re craving Chinese food or Szechuan food, this is where you need to go. My friends who know Szechuan swear by it, and every time I go, I’m blown away. But heads up — getting a table here requires planning or a reservation. The vibe is warm and cozy, and the food is HOT.
Standout Dish: Peking Duck
Taiwanese Bistro Café 33:
This place is a hidden gem. The best Taiwanese food in the city with a great atmosphere and an awesome staff. Just go. You won’t regret it.
Standout Dish: Duck Yolk Pork Rib Tips
DiAnoia’s Eatery:
This is the best Italian spot in Pittsburgh — period (not counting Mercurio’s). Every dish is an ooey-gooey EVOO-ey carb-dream. It’s a hike from campus, so save it for a break or get your friend with a car to take you. It’s worth a pilgrimage. Go with a group, as portions are huge.
Standout Dish: Anything. You can’t go wrong.
Uncle Sam’s Subs:
Solid cheesesteak spot! If you’re from the West Coast and want to try an East Coast Philly cheesesteak, this is where you go. Great chopped cheese and overall wonderful value proposition. A perfect spot when you’re craving something served on a submarine roll.
Noodlehead:
This is the date spot. Everyone who’s been agrees: Noodlehead is a killer. The only downside is that they’re always packed, so expect a wait. Guys, THEY HAVE CRAB RANGOON. It’s great, but really, all their dishes are great. The menu rotates, but the rangoon remains. They make good soup as well, and I recommend everyone check them out!
Silk Elephant:
Try the massaman curry and thank me later. This is a great spot with great curries.
Hypothetical Mexican Food Place:
Now, let’s address a glaring issue with the restaurant scene around Carnegie Mellon: WHERE IS THE MEXICAN FOOD? Coming from the west coast, this is criminal. When some east coast clown suggests Condado Tacos, Mad Mex, or — God forbid — Chipotle to me, I lose my goddamn cool! For a $14 bean, rice, cheese, pico, meat, and soaked-in-mole dish, I would slaughter and bathe in the blood of — nevermind. Is that too much to ask for? WHERE IS IT?
By far my biggest complaint is hours. Can every restaurant not close at 9 p.m.? Do they know that there are about six colleges in a three-mile radius?
Also, Pittsburgh ramen? Garbage. I know the water here tastes like trash, but can someone please try harder? It’s embarrassing. Ramen is a huge part of otaku and computer science culture, and somehow none of us have demanded better. I’ve encountered rocks with more bounce than the noodles in this city.
Leave a Reply